I currently have my dogs on an “attention diet.” That means no touch, no talk, no eye contact—as Cesar Millan would say (and I promise you, this is both the first and last time I will ever quote Cesar!).
Why do my dogs need an attention diet? Because they’ve had way too much attention indoors for most of their lives. They’ve been anthropomorphized, overstimulated, over-petted, over-cooed at, and wrapped up in a fairly co-dependent relationship with me.
It’s only day two, and so far, so good. I was able to go almost completely cold turkey, and as I type this, my dogs are snoring soundly. They’re far less vocal at mealtimes and noticeably calmer around the house in general.
If you’re wondering whether your dog might also benefit from an attention diet, here are a few signs to consider:
7 Signs Your Dog May Need an Attention Diet
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Does your dog lose his mind when you come home, even if you’ve only been gone a short time? Do you enjoy this over-the-top display and interpret it as affection or proof that your dog “missed you”? If so, your dog could benefit from an attention diet.
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Does your dog follow you everywhere, in and out of every room, not because he needs food or to go outside, but because he needs to be with you every second of the day? Do you believe this means he loves you, protects you, or is perfectly loyal?
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Does your dog have separation anxiety?
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Does your dog destroy or chew things when you leave the house?
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Do you feel guilty that you’re not giving your dog enough attention—or worry that his quality of life is lacking because you don’t do more? More exercise, more enrichment, more socialization, more playdates, more classes, more outings, more puzzles? If you’re worried your dog is bored and needs more stimulation, love, or affection, what he may actually need is an attention diet.
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Does your dog seem tense around you? Unable to fully relax while you’re awake and moving around? Alert to every sound or shift of your body? Does he whine when you’re on the phone or talking to guests? If your dog struggles to simply chill out during waking hours, he most definitely needs an attention diet.
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If the idea of putting your dog on an attention diet feels bad, scary, or cruel—or you immediately feel guilty, or find it impossible to stop talking to, petting, or gazing into your dog’s beautiful eyes—then you both need an attention diet. You might also consider a CoDA meeting (Codependents Anonymous).
The reality is that many dogs today are not allowed to just be dogs. They’re treated as surrogate babies or surrogate partners, expected to be endlessly soft and emotionally available—while simultaneously being denied appropriate outlets for their instincts and drives. Then we’re surprised when they raid the trash, chew the couch cushions, jump on guests, or engage in other “problem” behaviors.
We can do better.
We can respect the nature of the dog. We can give them long walks in the woods, something prey-like to bite and carry, meaningful physical engagement—and then leave them alone to rest in the house (their den), where it’s actually quite unnatural for them to be the constant object of our very human, very predatory attention.
Sometimes, the most loving thing you can give a dog… is space.