"Obedience" should be about communication. A lot of people make it about the dog obeying commands because they "respect" you. I always say the dog doesn't need to respect you, that is simply a projection of human psychology, as well as a reductive perspective on our relationship with dogs. What you need is for your dog to RESPOND to you. This is what communication is all about, I project a want, need, or inquiry, and I get a response.
When we are communicating with our dogs, instead of just commanding them to obey, there are a few things we need to consider:
- Does my dog understand what it is I am asking of them?
Have you provided proper foundation for the task at hand? You may need to continue shaping successive approximations if your dog doesn't understand what is being asked.
- Does my dog feel motivated to perform what I am asking? How does it benefit them?
Dogs are motivated by different things, so you may be using high-value food, but your dog actually wants to bite a tug toy! Or vice versa. These are things we should test for. Offering proper motivation is key.
- Does my dog feel safe to perform what I am asking?
Are you asking your dog to do something that feels unsafe? Consider balance, footing, ground surfaces, and your dog's physical abilities. And then, emotionally, does your dog feel safe with you? Does your dog feel they are safe from being punished if they don't get the answer right, or if they don't feel like performing the indicated task? Compulsion does not create obedience based in drive.
- Have I appreciated my dog and shown them proper gratitude?
When we are working on "obedience" with our dogs we can also ask:
What is our relationship to our dogs outside of training? Have we provided for their emotional needs and biological fulfillment? Dogs who do not have their basic needs met are going to have a difficult time performing in obedience training. Emotional safety, as well as mental and physical exercise are basic needs. Not to mention the freedom to express natural behaviors such as digging, chewing, barking, and biting, but that's a whole other topic!
I would also emphasize touch, not just a quick pet or scratch as a reward for a correct performance of a behavior, but rather, intentional and mindful massage that can sooth your dog's nervous system and also create an incredible bond. Mammals are programmed to act harmoniously with those who touch them with slow, smooth, and gentle movements.
All of this gentleness and sensitivity is so, so important. Especially for those times when we actually DO need to command the dog to perform a behavior. In cases of emergency or threat of harm, it is critically important that you can tell your dog to come when called, lay down, stay, or wait, etc. If we build the correct foundation for these behaviors, then your dog is much more likely to "obey" when it is truly needed.
Resources:
Cooperation Through Touch and Gratitude with Horses: https://www.buzzsprout.com/.../15454832-unlocking-harmony
The really interesting thing about that podcast episode is that Mary Debono also explains how touch creates emotional resilience!
The Trust Technique: https://trust-technique.com/
I have personally found the The Trust Technique to be invaluable in my relationship building skills with dogs.