“Obedience” should really be about communication.
For many people, obedience becomes about getting a dog to follow commands out of “respect.” But that idea is largely a projection of human psychology—and a limited way of understanding our relationship with dogs. Your dog doesn’t need to respect you in a hierarchical, human sense.
What you actually need is for your dog to respond to you.
That’s what communication is:
I express a want, a need, or an inquiry—and I receive a response.
When we shift from control to communication, everything changes.
So what should we actually be looking at?
1. Does your dog understand what you’re asking?
Have you truly taught the behavior, or are you expecting compliance without clarity?
If the foundation isn’t there, it’s not fair to expect a reliable response. Sometimes the work is simply slowing down—breaking the behavior into smaller pieces and building it through clear, consistent repetition until your dog genuinely understands.
2. Is your dog motivated?
Motivation is not one-size-fits-all.
Some dogs work for food. Others for toys, play, or interaction. Some need movement and engagement to feel alive in the work. If the reward doesn’t matter to your dog, the behavior won’t either.
Motivation isn’t optional—it’s the engine behind learning.
3. Does your dog feel safe?
This is one of the most overlooked pieces.
Are you asking for something that feels physically or emotionally uncomfortable? Think about footing, environment, pressure, and your dog’s individual sensitivities.
And just as important—does your dog feel safe with you?
Do they trust that they can try without being punished for getting it wrong?
Or are they bracing for correction?
Compulsion may produce results, but it does not create confident, reliable behavior. It creates compliance under pressure—not true understanding.
4. Do you show genuine appreciation?
Every dog needs acknowledgment.
Some dogs thrive on praise. Others prefer play or food. But beyond the reward itself, your tone, your presence, and your intention matter.
That extra moment of connection—of meaningful acknowledgment—builds trust in a way that no correction ever will.
Beyond Obedience
We also need to look at the bigger picture:
What is your relationship like outside of training?
Have you met your dog’s:
- Emotional needs
- Physical needs
- Mental needs
A dysregulated dog—one who is stressed, under-stimulated, or overwhelmed—will struggle to perform no matter how much you “train.”
Regulation comes before performance.
Let Dogs Be Dogs
Dogs also need appropriate outlets for natural behaviors:
- Chewing
- Digging
- Barking
- Biting (in appropriate contexts like play or tug)
These aren’t problems—they’re needs. When those needs are suppressed instead of channeled, behavior issues often follow.
The Power of Touch
Touch is another often-overlooked form of communication.
Not just a quick pat, but slow, intentional, attuned contact.
When done mindfully, touch can:
- Calm the nervous system
- Build trust
- Deepen connection
Mammals are wired for this kind of contact. It’s not just affection—it’s biological communication.
Why This Matters
All of this—clarity, motivation, safety, connection—is not “soft.”
It’s foundational.
Because there will be moments when you need your dog to respond immediately—when safety is on the line. A solid recall, a reliable “stay,” a clear “down”—these matter.
And when those behaviors are built on trust instead of pressure, your dog is far more likely to respond when it truly counts.
Resources
Cooperation Through Touch and Gratitude with Horses (Mary Debono):
https://www.buzzsprout.com/.../15454832-unlocking-harmony
A fascinating look at how touch can build emotional resilience and connection.
The Trust Technique:
https://trust-technique.com/
A powerful approach to building deeper relationships through presence and awareness. I’ve found it invaluable in my work with dogs.